Monday, November 15, 2010
To Snip or Not to Snip?
That picture is from three weeks ago, but I love it and realized I hadn't posted it.
On my way home from class, I thought of that title and daydreamed of recreating Hamlet's famous soliloquy to address the issue of having more children.
That being said, I did something that amazed myself this past weekend. We were up in Maine for a quick hunting trip. Bee and I took Liam window shopping in Waterville. While waiting for coffee to be ground, Liam started fussing so I went to make him a bottle at a table in the front of the store. I am struggling to make the bottle with a fussy baby when a stranger walks up and starts talking to me about Liam. I am fine with this. She touches his nose and asks where he got his beautiful blue eyes. I tell her they're my mom's. She gushes about how much my mother must love and enjoy this baby. She has good intentions but her touching Liam's nose irked me. "Is he your first?" she asks. I smile and say yes. "When will you make him a big brother?" she asks. I get this question way too often. I smile and say nothing. "You can't let him be an only child," she begins to tell me. "You can't do that to him." I have never been rude to anyone in my life, much less a stranger. I walk away from her. "No, you don't understand," she continues. I walk around her in an effort to try to leave the coffeeshop. Finally, I say, "I'm not having this conversation with you." She continues until I ditch my mother in law. It is not like me to be that brazen but I was just not up to a total stranger telling me how I was going to mess up my child.
It amazes me that people think they have such right to ask very personal questions when you're pregnant or parenting. I have been asked about my delivery, breastfeeding, and future reproduction plans by countless strangers. Usually, I humor people and let their opinions amuse me. Maybe it is because I am getting too many opinions. Maybe it is because Mike made his appointment but this question is driving me insane.
I can say it is because of finances. Let's face it. Mike and I could afford another child. I watched my parents struggle with money and vowed I would never let my kids(s) hear arguments about money or move a lot. I can say it is because of our small house but we could finish off the sunroom and make room for one more. We can say it is because we live so far away from our parents or because I just turned 34.
Mike and I are choosing to have one because we know that is what we can handle. I know that I will be able to make time for Liam, Mike, and my other obligations. When we went to the Halloween event at the zoo, we watched parents with multiple kids struggle. We had a ball with Liam. Maybe people are right that that is a selfish reason but it is our reason. I truly enjoy my family.
When I first became pregnant, we made the decision to wait a year and decide if we wanted to have another. Mike's consultation is on Liam's first birthday. While it makes me sad sometimes to realize that I will never be pregnant again, I know we are making the right decision. Mike and I have made it through nine plus months of new parenting without any fights. And, yes, we have done this (for the most part) solo.
It makes me happy to know that, if all goes well, we will be able to help Liam with college. But that isn't why we're choosing to have one. At the end of the day, I know that I have given everything I have to Liam. I can juggle teaching, taking a class, and all of my responsibilities at home. Mike and I can share a beer after Liam goes down at night. I know I can manage Liam and not be overwhelmed all the time. Having to defend this decision reminds me it is the right for us.
Miek andI took Liam to Goddard Park to do his holiday picture. Mike had this vision before we even knew Liam was a boy. The plane is a recreation of his great uncle's WWII plane. Liam was intested in crawling around the plane and in trying to stand up on it. We worked for about forty five minutes to get these pictures.