Wednesday, May 31, 2017

You Know It's Hard, Right? (Part Two)

When I joined running club, I had a goal completion time set for the 5K: under 37 minutes.  I've never completed one that fast.  When I "ran" a 5K in April, it took me over 42 minutes to complete it, this was the same amount of time it took me the year before, when I hadn't trained at all.  This time, I had trained for five weeks.  My first short-term goal was to complete it in under 40 minutes.   This happened Monday:

I've been thinking about next steps after running club ends.  There is a Wednesday running session.
Liam takes classes at Laid-Back Fitness.  After talking to one of the women who work there, I decided to start taking classes over the summer to train for an obstacle course race in September.  Liam, aware of my decision, asked on the way to class, "Aren't you taking classes, too?"
     "Yes, over the summer."
     "You know it's hard, right?"
     "Are you questioning me?"
     "Of course not, you're the mama..... But, seriously, it's challenging."

While I worry about Liam's anxiety, how he will manage it as an adult, and how much anxiety is a healthy amount, I must focus on his growth mindset.  One of his largest developments this year is his ability to keep trying.  He's turning into a pretty amazing little dude.

Yes, the classes will be hard.  I am strong, but lack the upper-body strength to do pull-ups or cross monkey-bars.  I can jog for longer periods of time, but I am still not fast.  The thought of running four miles between obstacles sounds daunting, but I know I will get there.  I have to; Liam is watching.

You Know It's Hard, Right?

Ever see the movie Twins?  We often joke that Liam is the Danny DeVeto character.  While he inherited many of our best attributes, he also managed to get so many of our quirks.  Foe example, he managed to get my perfectionism with Mike's lack of urgency.  In Liam's world, it needs to be just right and perfect...when he gets to it.  After asking him several times to put away his special smelly markers, I started putting them away.  He rolled his eyes, ran over and put them Roy G Biv order.

He has Mike's ability to read people and make friends with anyone.  He could grow up to be a lawyer, politician, or used car salesman.  He loves to learn and read.  He can be incredibly thoughtful.

He has all of these amazing qualities.  I worry that he has my anxiety.  I don't bring up anxiety or past issues.  They're in the past for a reason.  It's taken forty years, but I am finally pretty good at hiding and managing my anxiety.  He gets so upset with himself when he messes up or does something wrong, no matter how many times we tell him him it is okay to make mistakes.  He worries about so many things.  He is already worried about leaving for college, asking once every month or so if it is okay if he stays home when he goes to college.

His worrying makes me worry.  When is his worrying something for me to worry about?  Will he grow up replaying conversations in his head, worrying if he said something wrong or was something taken the wrong way?  How much will his fear of failure prevent him from living life to the fullest?

I love who this boy is becoming.  I just want to make sure that he gets the support and assurance he needs.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Failing Foward and Setting Goals

I can't believe that I let a year pass between entries.  
One of my goals has been to better use my time.  I go into work early to make sure that I am ready when my kids arrive.  This also helps me avoid the height of rush hour traffic in the morning.  I'd rather be accomplishing things at school than sitting in traffic. Anyway, I've been putting a lot of thought and effort into who I want to be.  Maybe it is a midlife crisis?  

I started to think about the things I want to accomplish and the person I want to be. This required me to create a plan to reach these goals.  Here's a glimpse at my progress:

 In 2016, I set a reading goal to read fifteen books.  I came up one short, needing to create a plan to reach this goal this year.  I set the same goal for this year.  In May, I am already more than halfway there.  I've been carrying my Kindle in my purse so I can read during down times that would usually be spent mindlessly surfing my phone.  

I have always wanted to be a runner.  I loved the idea of running.  In fact, running is the only thing I've ever actually tried at and failed.  (There are plenty of things I cannot do, such as dancing, that I cannot do.  However, I've never tried to be a dancer.)  I've started the Couch 2 5 K program more times than I care to admit.  I joined a beginner's runner group.  This combined two of my anxiety triggers: meeting new people and public failure.  I'm about to complete Week Eleven, which requires both 18 and 20-minute stretches of running.  The goal is to be able to run a 5K.  I am so proud of myself for sticking with it.  I'm currently creating a plan to maintain my hard work.  I'm finally to run, I mean jog.  I don't want to loose momentum.  

My last goal is to spend more time writing.  So much of my life is documented in journals; I want to keep going into my adulthood.  Liam takes ninja skills classes at a local gym.  I've been bringing my Kindle and reading of bringing my laptop and completing schoolwork while he is climbing and completing obstacle courses.  I made the decision to start writing again during this time.  It gives me an hour or so to get out my thoughts and reflect.  I'd like to continue doing this.  

I hope that it doesn't come off as conceited sharing these thoughts.  I am quite proud of what I have accomplished and hoped to achieve even more in the future.  I am incredibly lucky to have a husband who supports my endeavors and watching Liam while I'm out and about.