tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81174657301438465752024-02-18T23:58:27.036-05:00Come on Aboard (I Promise You You Won't Hurt the Horse)Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.comBlogger107125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-45579763008381654302017-05-31T17:15:00.000-04:002017-05-31T18:16:07.979-04:00You Know It's Hard, Right? (Part Two)When I joined running club, I had a goal completion time set for the 5K: under 37 minutes. I've never completed one that fast. When I "ran" a 5K in April, it took me over 42 minutes to complete it, this was the same amount of time it took me the year before, when I hadn't trained at all. This time, I had trained for five weeks. My first short-term goal was to complete it in under 40 minutes. This happened Monday:<br />
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I've been thinking about next steps after running club ends. There is a Wednesday running session. <br />
Liam takes classes at Laid-Back Fitness. After talking to one of the women who work there, I decided to start taking classes over the summer to train for an obstacle course race in September. Liam, aware of my decision, asked on the way to class, "Aren't you taking classes, too?"<br />
"Yes, over the summer."<br />
"You know it's hard, right?"<br />
"Are you questioning me?"<br />
"Of course not, you're the mama..... But, seriously, it's challenging."<br />
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While I worry about Liam's anxiety, how he will manage it as an adult, and how much anxiety is a healthy amount, I must focus on his growth mindset. One of his largest developments this year is his ability to keep trying. He's turning into a pretty amazing little dude. <br />
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Yes, the classes will be hard. I am strong, but lack the upper-body strength to do pull-ups or cross monkey-bars. I can jog for longer periods of time, but I am still not fast. The thought of running four miles between obstacles sounds daunting, but I know I will get there. I have to; Liam is watching. <br />
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<br />Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-4961121879947590492017-05-31T17:02:00.002-04:002017-05-31T17:02:23.791-04:00You Know It's Hard, Right?Ever see the movie Twins? We often joke that Liam is the Danny DeVeto character. While he inherited many of our best attributes, he also managed to get so many of our quirks. Foe example, he managed to get my perfectionism with Mike's lack of urgency. In Liam's world, it needs to be just right and perfect...when he gets to it. After asking him several times to put away his special smelly markers, I started putting them away. He rolled his eyes, ran over and put them away...in Roy G Biv order. <br />
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He has Mike's ability to read people and make friends with anyone. He could grow up to be a lawyer, politician, or used car salesman. He loves to learn and read. He can be incredibly thoughtful. <br />
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He has all of these amazing qualities. I worry that he has my anxiety. I don't bring up anxiety or past issues. They're in the past for a reason. It's taken forty years, but I am finally pretty good at hiding and managing my anxiety. He gets so upset with himself when he messes up or does something wrong, no matter how many times we tell him him it is okay to make mistakes. He worries about so many things. He is already worried about leaving for college, asking once every month or so if it is okay if he stays home when he goes to college. <br />
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His worrying makes me worry. When is his worrying something for me to worry about? Will he grow up replaying conversations in his head, worrying if he said something wrong or was something taken the wrong way? How much will his fear of failure prevent him from living life to the fullest? <br />
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I love who this boy is becoming. I just want to make sure that he gets the support and assurance he needs. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-88165197238244878092017-05-17T17:19:00.001-04:002017-05-17T17:19:03.716-04:00Failing Foward and Setting Goals<div style="font-family: tinos;">
I can't believe that I let a year pass between entries. </div>
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One of my goals has been to better use my time. I go into work early to make sure that I am ready when my kids arrive. This also helps me avoid the height of rush hour traffic in the morning. I'd rather be accomplishing things at school than sitting in traffic. Anyway, I've been putting a lot of thought and effort into who I want to be. Maybe it is a midlife crisis? </div>
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I started to think about the things I want to accomplish and the person I want to be. This required me to create a plan to reach these goals. Here's a glimpse at my progress:</div>
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In 2016, I set a reading goal to read fifteen books. I came up one short, needing to create a plan to reach this goal this year. I set the same goal for this year. In May, I am already more than halfway there. I've been carrying my Kindle in my purse so I can read during down times that would usually be spent mindlessly surfing my phone. </div>
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I have always wanted to be a runner. I loved the idea of running. In fact, running is the only thing I've ever actually tried at and failed. (There are plenty of things I cannot do, such as dancing, that I cannot do. However, I've never tried to be a dancer.) I've started the Couch 2 5 K program more times than I care to admit. I joined a beginner's runner group. This combined two of my anxiety triggers: meeting new people and public failure. I'm about to complete Week Eleven, which requires both 18 and 20-minute stretches of running. The goal is to be able to run a 5K. I am so proud of myself for sticking with it. I'm currently creating a plan to maintain my hard work. I'm finally to run, I mean jog. I don't want to loose momentum. </div>
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My last goal is to spend more time writing. So much of my life is documented in journals; I want to keep going into my adulthood. Liam takes ninja skills classes at a local gym. I've been bringing my Kindle and reading of bringing my laptop and completing schoolwork while he is climbing and completing obstacle courses. I made the decision to start writing again during this time. It gives me an hour or so to get out my thoughts and reflect. I'd like to continue doing this. </div>
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<span style="font-family: tinos;">I hope that it doesn't come off as conceited sharing these thoughts. I am quite proud of what I have accomplished and hoped to achieve even more in the future. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband who supports my endeavors and watching Liam while I'm out and about. </span><br />
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<br />Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-76715171711283765452016-02-21T20:28:00.001-05:002016-02-21T20:28:24.074-05:00New Normal?It has been five years since my mom passed. Five. This year marked my sixth birthday and holiday season without her. It's amazing that I still struggle to find my new normal. Every year, something happens that digs in and reminds that there is a time of my life to which I can never return. That part of my life has been boxed up and passed on. The last house I lived in with my parents was sold and remodeled, looking unrecognizable. Most of the pictures are 1,500 miles away. The artwork and awkward projects have been long lost in various moves. <br />
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The breakdown happens every year. After five years, I am able to control it and really make it mine. The tear works that erupted without warning now know how to contain themselves until the moment is right. Five years ago, I ran into another room to break down because someone changed the channel off of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, something we watched every year at my house. Eagerly, we would wait to see our favorite pop stars glide through the cold weather. I marveled at the marching bands, wishing that my parent's budget allowed music lessons. On the first Thanksgiving without my mom, I needed to watch that parade. However, I felt silly vocalizing this need. Crying in the bedroom seemed a much saner choice. </div>
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For the first five New Years Eves as a mother, I fell asleep before the ball dropped, sometimes fifteen minutes before the new year began. Last year, I managed to stay awake. And, for the first time ever, my mom didn't call to wish me a happy new year. This year, I vowed to stay awake as well. About twenty minutes before midnight, a bit in my stomach formed. This was another year that would begin without a call from my mom. I was ready to run upstairs and force myself to fall asleep. That's the thing about the new normal; you never know when it will sneak up on you. </div>
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I've come to understand that this breakdown is a new normal in my holiday preparations. It surfaces several times throughout the season. However, after my rookie year, I've learned to control it and release when the right time allows. This year, I waited until I was wrapping gifts. My mom never wrapped everything in the stocking. I always swore that, when I was in charge of stockings, everything would be wrapped. I've lived to regret this decision. I am also aware that giving up wrapping everything would provide a victory for my mother. Every from the grave, I cannot allow that. </div>
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A dear friend of mine lost her mom this year. In one of our conversations, I told her that it never really gets easier, you just adjust to your new normal. It is different for everyone. For me, my first round of holidays without my mom was also my first round of holidays with my son. While it was difficult, new life made it easier to transition to that new reality. However, the overwhelming urge to run to another room for a quick cry still hits at the oddest of moments. </div>
Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-68046891793557670072015-12-16T17:16:00.000-05:002015-12-16T17:16:55.292-05:00Being PresentA few nights ago, Mike and I tried to keep a conversation going with Liam at dinner. Some nights, conversation is easy. In fact, we can barely get a word in ourselves. This was not one of those nights.<br />
"How was school?"<br />
"Good."<br />
"What center did you choose?"<br />
"Legos."<br />
"How was Tumble Bus?"<br /> "Good."<br />
"Did you get a gummy bear at the end?"<br />
"Yup."<br />
"What color did you get?"<br />
"Green."<br />
"What's your favorite activity?"<br />
"Monkey bars."<br />
"What does Lukey like?"<br />
"The slide."<br />
Finally, I got a bite while inquiring about Tumble Bus, an activity offered through his school.<br />
"Liam, do you do activities or does everyone do their own thing?"<br />
His eyes lit up. "We do a really fun activity! Miss Amanda says our names and then we say, 'here.'"<br />
Mike and I looked at each other. We were paying $25 a month for Liam to enjoy attendance. "This is your favorite activity? Are you sure that it's an activity?"<br />
"Uh-huh. Miss Amanda calls me and I say, 'here.' Then she calls Luke and Luke says, 'here.'"<br />
Really? $400 a year for Tumble Bus and his favorite activity is attendance? "Liam, I think what Miss Amanda is doing is taking attendance."<br /> My five year old rolled his eyes at me. "No, she jots everything down in a notebook." At this point, Mike and I were laughing. <br />
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I giggled at my son's misconstrued views of attendance, comparing it to children who play with the boxes of their toys. As the days passed, I thought about the idea of being present. As autonomy develops, I become more and more protective of his "bubble." The days of parental control reigning over almost every moment of his day are numbered. He may get to choose whether he eats an apple of a banana, which shoes he wears to school, or which toys to entertain himself with in his room. However, adults control the majority of his daily life. We take him to school, swim lessons, and play dates. We provide him with three pairs of school shoes, various character shirts, and (mostly) healthy sweets while preventing him from drinking soda and full octane juice. <br />
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That simple act of attendance on Tumble Bus allows his to be present. He gets to announce that he is present and ready for new adventures. How nice with it be if we were allowed that opportunity more often. As always, I am thinking about how this relates to my students. How do I allow my students to be present? Sometimes, it is as simple as asking them to take a break, stand up, and say hello to classmates. I stand at the door to greet my students with high fives and fist pumps as they enter my classroom. Thanks to our new blended learning model, students get to decide how they learn, navigating their way through playlists on Power Points, articles, videos, and practice exercises. In a world of limited autonomy, how do I truly give my students, and my son, a voice?Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-49281111996827835012013-02-24T13:58:00.001-05:002013-02-24T13:58:14.420-05:00Three is a Magic NumberWhile I was pregnant, a coworker told me that each age would be my favorite. So far, this has proven true. When Liam was an infant, he was my favorite form of entertainment. I could watch him for hours. He fascinated me. I loved the months when I snuggled my squishy baby. I loved watching him toddle around and re-explore our world, as if seeing it for the first time. <br />
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I may be in the minority, but three has been my favorite age. There are many reasons my three year old is my favorite:<br />
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* He still loves to snuggle. When he is worried, tired, or upset, he squishes himself onto my lap and lets me rock him. I know the time will come when he will not fit in my lap. I savor these moments.<br />
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* He can communicate. He can tell me if he feels good or yucky, happy or sad.He can tell me if he wants a cereal bar or fruit snacks. He can tell he if his neck or ears hurt. He asks for a snack before his hunger makes him grumpy. <br />
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* We can go anywhere easily. I very rarely need to bring the big diaper bag. I keep some fruit snacks and a fruit pouch in my purse and call it good. I donated our stroller to Sandy relief last fall. We walk to the playground, walk through the aquarium and the zoo, and through the mall. Liam is easy to travel with these days. <br />
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* He believes everyone in the world is good. I fear the day when he learns the truth, that not all people are always nice. Right now, he is nice to everyone and everyone is nice to him. Since he expresses interest in churches, I took him the Barnes and Nobel to buy him his first Bible. He took the story of David and Goliath out of context.<br />
"Who's that?"<br />
"That's David."<br />
"He's throwing rocks. We don't throw rocks. He should go to 'No Thank You.'"<br />
I didn't know how to tell him that David was the hero of the story. That David was justified in hitting Goliath with the rock because Goliath was mean. I didn't know how to tell him that sometimes it's okay to throw rocks at people. I let him continue:<br />
"David left his rocks on the ground. We should pick them up so nobody trips over them. We can put them int he pond."<br />
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The story of Jesus and the beggar confused him. "He has a boo boo. Did he fall down?" I didn't know how to begin explaining to him that his fellow man did this to him. "Jesus is going to help him," I avoided the question. The world can be a scary place. My three year old doesn't need to learn that just yet.<br />
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* He makes friends everywhere. The coffee shop, Target, the supermarket, the playground, and the library are all places for him to make friends. If he has a Thomas, a funny hat, or a ball, he has a starting point to create a friendship. Once he's established a bond, he will tell his new friend everything.<br />
"My grammie's name is Bee. Just Bee."<br />
"My daddy makes boats and my mommy's a teacher."<br />
"I have a hat on. It has a yellow ball on top."<br />
Someday, he will learn that making friends isn't always this easy. I treasure this moment while I can.<br />
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* He loves to help. He has to help clean, make the bed, shovel snow, pick up. His teacher told me he is one of the best students when it comes to helping clean up. He knows to only make one mess at a time and will clean up his blocks before taking out his cars. It makes me happy.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwppiMGZRYNRZargBEcdbF2RF0RbyBDjpLVE4yrtwyPfg-aZsUZrnNWuj7EiUSxr8W193zLgIMAZxf_8JI1dpKzpERpZEUc3GPErJoBZr43Ubq6krgJ4AhZVI0ClZ22v06EmFJxNDX7jM/s1600/photo14.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwppiMGZRYNRZargBEcdbF2RF0RbyBDjpLVE4yrtwyPfg-aZsUZrnNWuj7EiUSxr8W193zLgIMAZxf_8JI1dpKzpERpZEUc3GPErJoBZr43Ubq6krgJ4AhZVI0ClZ22v06EmFJxNDX7jM/s200/photo14.JPG" width="149" /></a></div>
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* Mommy and Daddy are magic. <br />
"That lighthouse isn't working. My daddy will fix it. He will bring his tools."<br />
Mommy's kisses fix everything. There have been a few instances that liam requests ice instead of kisses. I know those will be requested more as time goes on but I love that kisses fix boo boos for now. <br />
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* He is silly and has a great sense of humor. My kid is hilarious! We make up games. Our current favorite could be called "Are you a chicken?" It started after reading the Sandra Boynton book by the same name. I will ask Liam, "Are you a chicken?"<br />
"No."<br />
"Are you a penguin?"<br />
"No."<br />
This goes on a few rounds until he chooses an animal he would like to be. When I ask, he will randomly start making that sound.<br />
"Are you a bee?"<br />
"Buzzzzzzzzzzz," he giggles. We make a few more animal sound then he takes over. "Hey, Mommy, are you a dinosaur?"<br />
"Raaawwwwrrrrrr."<br />
"Are you a cow?"<br />
"Mooooooo." <br />
This is hilarious. I promise. <br />
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* He finds humor in everything. Last night, we played trains. He let me be Thomas. Anyone with a toddler knows this is the equivalent of a marriage proposal to the three year old. As we pushed Thomas around the track, Liam would block his way with pieces of his play kitchen and blocks. <br />
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This is rolling on the floor funny.
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* His logic is easy. We've been giving him a few more responsibilities now that he is getting older. He helps set and clear the table. He helps sweep. While teaching him to get himself dressed, he announced "I don't want to be three!"<br />
"You have to be three; you ate your birthday cake."<br />
"Oh, okay." He continued putting on his own shirt.<br />
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* He is innocent. Someone was shocked when Mike said Liam had a Thomas cake. "He's still into Thomas?" While Liam knows who Spiderman is, he's never watched Spiderman. He knows who Superman is to point him out, but has never seen any of these action heroes in action. He knows that Spiderman swings from building to building and saves people, but he doesn't know what he saves them from. For now, I want Liam to think the worst thing that happen is Thomas being "up there" or Victor falling into the sea (and promptly being saved). <br />
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* He has intuition. While making Valentines, we made one for our neighbor, who lost his wife last summer. As we walked over to deliver the Valentine, Liam told me we were bringing it because he didn't feel well. I tried to tell him Valentines were for people we love, he insisted this was because he didn't feel well. "Why doesn't he feel well?" I finally asked. "He is sad. He is sad because he misses Miss ____." He is really good at reading people is adapting accordingly. He is silly when people need a smile and sympathetic when the moment calls. His father is fantastic at reading people. I'm glad Liam is as well. <br />
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I'm hoping I enjoy each stage as much as I enjoy the "Terrible Threes."Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-59345490418767197432013-02-03T21:48:00.001-05:002013-02-03T21:48:58.013-05:00I Have a Three Year Old!How did this happen? He is sweet, smart, and funny. He makes me laugh and is so generous with his love and affection. He sees my mom and tells me about Nana. He makes friends and shows compassion. <br />
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He had a Thomas party. He claims his favorite part was the cake. I totally believe him.<br />
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How did the time fly by so fast? It seems like this little guy, Mike, and I were all just getting to know each other. <br />
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Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-89315232782921391952013-02-03T21:34:00.001-05:002013-02-03T21:34:22.374-05:00Month OneI will begin by admitting I bought Liam some items for his birthday. Denying him birthday party decorations and a birthday shirt because I made a bet with myself seemed silly. I spent $25 on decorations for his birthday party and $17 for a custom shirt. I resisted January clearance sales. I lost my urge to browse online site. <br />
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He needed this shirt</div>
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I was starting to get antsy. I wanted to buy something new to wear to Liam's birthday. Obviously, the party would be ruined if I didn't wear something cute. That afternoon, my Visa bill arrived. I paid it off after the holidays. Instead of my usual thought of "Oh, crap," I actually "squeed" when I saw the bill this month. The only items on the bill were gas and my haircut. That motivated me to find something to wear in my closet instead of the mall.<br />
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I took Liam to Savers to pick up some pants. He's been wearing through knees on his jeans. Even the Baby Gap jeans only lasted three weeks before he wore out the knees. I picked him up a bunch of jeans and khakis. I found a Talbots blazer there for me for $6.99. While wearing it at school, I found a dollar in the pocket. Double score!<br />
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There are a few things I would like to have. After seeing the difference a good straightener makes, I have toyed with getting a new hair dryer. I straighten of curl my hair almost every day. The Chi saved my hair. However, I don't blow dry it enough to justify an expensive dryer. I bought a cheapie facial brush last year to see if it made a difference. The brush, juxtaposed with drinking eight glasses of water a day and a good dermatologist, has made my skin glow. The brush just started to slow down. I am in the process of writing reviews for beauty products on a site I subscribe to. I have to write a ridiculous number of reviews to earn enough points to get the Clarisonic. I'm temped to keep up with it just to see if I can. <br />
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As I enter my second month, it is getting easier. I've been playing with pieces I already have. I've been working out and lost six pounds this month. I have about nine more to get to my prepregnancy weight. (I gained weight back from the fall. All it took was five days without power to make me lose my mojo.)<br />
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Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-27326243512873425672013-01-08T18:45:00.000-05:002013-01-08T18:45:30.325-05:00Week OneMy first week of buy nothing year is making changes into habits. I did a few things to avoid temptation:<br />
* Deleted my shopping Apps (Target, Zuily, etc)<br />
* Unliked shopping companies on Facebook (KidsDeals, Hip2Save, etc)<br />
* Unsubcribed to business emails from companies I frequent<br />
I survived my first trip to target without any extras. I had a sleeveless shell from the clearance rack in my hand but wanted to get used to my buy nothing state of mind. I have two drawers of tank tops and shells. I do not need another one. I kept to my list!<br />
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Mike and I are back on the wagon. We were doing such a good job for months then fell off following Sandy. Five days without power threw a wrench in our routine. I joined a Sparkpeople group with some friends and, hopefully, we will modivate each other. Sparkpeople is keeping me honest. A lot of times, I am too lazy to do the math so I resist the urge to eat one of Liam's chicken nuggets or a single piece of candy. <br />
<br />Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-35854739542824467312012-12-30T18:15:00.000-05:002012-12-30T18:15:21.098-05:00With the Internet as My Witness<br />
I have never kept a New Year's resolution. However, as I look around my house, I am trying to take control of the "stuff" in our house after the holidays. Over the past few years, I've rid our house of excess books, clothes, and clutter. Though bittersweet, I love the sense of organization that comes from comes from passing along Liam's toys and clothes.<br />
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After over four years of not buying a lot clothes for myself, I revamped my wardrobe this year. Between waiting to get pregnant, being pregnant, and having recently delivered a baby, I had good reason not to buy clothes. Knowing I'd only be pregnant once, I bought a limited amount of cheap pregnancy clothes. Since it only needed to last one child, I tried to buy as much as I could for Liam secondhand. <br />
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This past week, I cleaned out my closet again. In the past, I would simply pack up items in white garbage bags and send them off to Savers. For the first time, I am going to try my hand at consigning. I may try the same for some of Liam's bigger toys. During some of my Internet time wasting, I stumbled upon a blog entry about a crunchy family who went a year without buying anything new. "I could never do that!" my inner self exclaimed. I love yard sales and thrift shopping, but a year without random trips to Homegoods, Carters, or the Gap? I could never... could I?<br />
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Pondering this thought to myself as I put away my laundry, I looked at my organized, full closet and revisited the idea of "buy nothing new" year. Liam would be easy. I've found Thomas and Spiderman shirts on consignment. For the most part, he wears what I put him in. He doesn't know about the latest toys; he's happy to play with whatever we buy him. I have all the things I need. In the past few years, I've accumulated the splurges I've lusted after: a Chi flat iron, Kitchenaid mixer (bought refurbished), etc. I wore my new winter boots for the first time in the snow today. I resisted my urge to buy more makeup at the big sale CVS has every December, reminding myself that, even at 75% off, I buy it, never use it, and it is a waste of my money. Like many people, I get sucked into the idea of a good deal. I have three pairs of Old Navy Rock Star Corduroy pants because they were fun and on sale. <br />
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With the exception of Liam's half Peter Rabbit, half toddler bedroom, the house is where we want it. We have all the things we want. I decided to feel Mike out on my idea of buy nothing new year. He did what most husbands would do, he laughed at me.<br />
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"I mean going a year without buying new stuff: clothes and toys. I'm not talking about tampons."<br />
The best way to make me do something is to tell me you don't think it can be done. Obviously, Mike learned nothing from the "You can't visit all five parks in one days" Disney challenge of 2007. While he doesn't think I can do it, he is on board in supporting me in my endeavor. <br />
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So, here it is. With the Internet as my witness, I am going to go a year without buying new "stuff." I know my way around the local consignment shops so Liam and I will always have what we need clothing wise. I know what makeup and products work for me and what many more do not. I do not need to buy more junk that sits in my makeup case until I throw it out a year later. I do love accessories but I will do my best to find what I want within my new parameters, maybe searching ebay for used goods. I deleted the Target app from my phone. I am going to hook my Kindle to the library and borrow ebooks. As I am on book thirty-seven of the year, those $8-12 Amazon purchases add up.<br />
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I was hoping to do this to save money and reduce my carbon footprint. Now I want to do it just to prove I can. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-76058967237382249352012-09-30T21:17:00.000-04:002012-09-30T21:21:50.241-04:00It's TimeI am using Mike's football game as an excuse to update. My new schedule at school juxtaposed with Liam's nap boycott does not leave a lot of free time. We had a fantastic summer that flew by in a blink. We rented a beach house, went camping, and had all sorts of adventures. I became a little more comfortable with myself and tried some new things. Here are a few summer highlights:<br />
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We rented a beach house in Jamestown. From our window, we were able to watch America's Cup, Tall Ships, and fireworks. It took Liam three days to notice there was not a TV in the house. It was beyond nice to relax and unwind for a week. Hopefully, it will become a new tradition. <br />
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We took Liam on another camping trip in Maine. My folks used to take Kristy and I to Acadia when we were kids. It seems fitting that we take Liam camping there. He loved it more this year. <br />
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I made "mom" friends. I was driving myself silly trying to actually have a social life. Being one of the only ones in my group with a child is very lonely. After too many times of whining and crying to Mike about it, I decided to actually do something about it. I joined a mom's group and made a few friends. I also asked some of Mike's co worker's wives to get together. They are a great group. We had almost weekly play dates over the summer. Liam loves his new friends.<br />
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I made time for me. Thanks to Kindle, I always have something to read. This year, I've read 33 books. I forgot how nice it is to lose myself in a book. I also started working out again. It finally happened: I hit my "Oh, poo, how did I get this big?" weight. Other friends joined Weight Watchers, went to personal trainers, and other such comradely filled health endeavours. I can barely make it the gym with my schedule. Liam hates his jogging stroller. I feared running into people I hadn't seen in awhile. Somehow, I managed to get fifteen pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight. Mike and I ordered a treadmill and take turns running on it. In the past month, I've lost six pounds and I'm within nine pounds of my pre-pregnancy weight. Since Liam is almost three, I can not use him as an excuse. I feel better and I'm just starting to see the results. My goal is fifteen more pounds for now. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-55422018244933875992012-06-14T19:40:00.001-04:002012-06-14T19:40:35.948-04:00Two Years and One DayTwo years and one day ago, Mike and I had a lot of firsts. I made Mike watch Zoolander for the first time. I feel asleep at Fenway for the first, and hopefully last, time. Two years and one day ago, I had to go to sleep for the first time without a mom. <br />
We knew that was the day she was going to pass away. Three days earlier, I had my last coherent conversation with her. I offered to postpone Liam's blessing. Mom insisted it go as planned, promising to "try my best to hold on." Saturday night, I was able to tell her it went well before she spaced out. The day before, she entered hospice. Mom told me it was a beautiful place but was a bit upset that they expected her to die soon. Other times, she would tell me she was ready. She was tired. <br />
The next day, Kristy boarded a plane to Florida. Mike and I were staying behind. We had gone to see mom to say goodbye earlier. We had tickets to see the Sox play the Phillies. Mike's folks offered to stay here and watch Liam. We headed up to Boston, wondering if the fateful call would come while we were at America's most beloved ballpark. Something about Fenway lulled me to sleep around the fifth inning. Maybe it was the warm sun. Maybe it was being in a place that held so many warm memories for me. Maybe it was just the white noise of the crowd's murmur. Maybe it was pure exhaustion. Whatever it was, it made me sleep for two innings. <br />
I knew the call would be coming and checked my phone often to see if I missed a vibration. We made it home, said goodbye to Mike and Bee, and set forth to waiting. Kristy arrived at the hospice center about 7:30 She sent me a text at 8 saying mom hadn't woken up since she got there and the nurse said she is declining. We went back and forth while Zoolander served as a background buffer. I needed something silly to fill my mind. At 8:25, the phone rang. "She's gone," was all Kristy could say. Kristy took care of Dad. I made the calls and arrangements. <br />
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It is hard to believe two years have passed. Liam was the reason she held on as long as she did. "I just want to see that baby," she told everyone who would listen. The first year contained mixed blessings. Every first holiday or birthday without mom was the first holiday or birthday with Liam. There was sweetness with sorrow. Now, reality sets in. My mom is gone. The woman who used to ask me to put her on speaker so she could listen to her three month old grandson noisily suck down bottles never got to hear his actual voice. She never saw him take a step. She never received one of his trademark sloppy kisses. She never saw him dance to Adele or Beyonce nor was she sucked into singing "I Love You" seven times in a row. I couldn't call her when he had a temperature of 105 and I was petrified or when he sang his ABCs for the first time. I couldn't ask her about my milestones so I could compare myself to my son. <br />
There are signs that she is with me. They tend to come when I expect them the least and need them the most. When Liam had a horrible ear infection last year, hadn't slept more than three hours straight, and had thrown up on every piece of linen we owned, she came to me in a dream as Liam slept on my chest under three of his baby blankets. She just held me, which is really all you need of your mom sometimes. As I watched Liam's aw of seeing fireworks for the first time, I wished I knew my mom was with us. On the way home, a shooting star flew across the bright sky of Providence. <br />
I haven't watched Zoolander since the day my passed. I walked away from it to make calls letting people know about Mom's passing. Yesterday at school, a few of the male tteachers randomly started throwing out Zoolander quotes. Maybe I am overthinking this one, but it just seemed like too much of a coincidence. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-90263828833090357342012-05-01T20:49:00.000-04:002012-05-01T21:01:13.183-04:00Looking for "My People"<br />
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In <em>The Catcher in the Rye</em>, Holden remarks that he enjoys the Museum of Natural History because it never changes. As I introduce Holden to a new generation of teenagers, it becomes clear that <em>Catcher</em> is my Museum of Natural History. Holden and I have been friends for over twenty years. He spend time with me when I was a high school student, college student, student teacher, and expectant mother. I considered naming my son after him. His creator, JD Salinger, died the day my induction was scheduled, signifying the ultimate end of my teen angst. <br />
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Something I discuss with my sophomores is the changing dynamic of friendships beginning in adolescence. For Liam, making friends is beyond easy. All he needs is a ball, some crackers, or an Elmo shirt and some other toddler has an instand starting point for friendship. By our teenage years, it is not that easy. by adulthood, the road to friends is even more difficult to navigate.<br />
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Like many other things regarding parenthood, I was niave in thinking that a child would not change the friendships I have among my childless friends. We would still be included in get togethers, gym dates, and other fun activities. When Liam was two weeks old and we were yet to see many of our friends, reality set in. We now see most of our childless friends two to three times a year. Some we see even less than that. An email I sent to two friends about trying to get together for brunch went unanswered. The promise to get together "soon" band aids the fact that we are all growing apart. It isn't anybody's fault; it's just the way it is.<br />
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When I was on Facebook, a friend of mind complained endlessly about her weekends not being hers. Her family took over her weekends. For Mike, Liam and I, we have the opposite problem. On Thursday, Mike or I will check the weather forcast in what begins the panic known as "What the hell are we going to do this weekend?" Friday at 3:00 starts sixty-four open hours with nothing to do. Sometimes, we have a project around the house that will eat part of Saturday. We weed the lawn, get to the cleaning we didn't do during the week, or some other project. We try to plan at least one outing for Liam: zoo, aquarium, park, feeding the ducks in Wickford, ect. Our weekends are relaxing, quiet, and 100% ours. <br />
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Then came the seemingly simple task of finding new people to hang out with. We've made plans with the people Mike works with a few times. They are very nice and welcoming. Mike has gone out with the two guys a few times. I am glad he's made good friends. He has his R/C airplane club. The are older gentlemen but at least they get togehter to fly or talk planes. He still gets together with his friends a lot more than I do with mine. <br />
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This left me. I haven't really had to make friends in years. In Rhode Island form, I kept running into the same girl everywhere: Lowe's, the hair salon, Trader Joe's. She had a son a little younger than Liam. Because they are toddler boys, they needed nothing more to create a friendship. We finally exchanged numbers. She called me four times a day until I started intentionally declining her calls. She was as desperate as I am for mother companionship I guess. She scared me off. There are a few mothers in Liam's daycare and in the neighborhood that have suggested playdates but I am too scared that right now; if the playdates didn't work out, things would be awkward forever. I signed up for playgroups and music classes to relieve Liam of his awkward only child stigma. Upon walking through the parking lot to the first music class, panic hit me as I realized, too, would have to make friends. Some of the other moms were super hippy organic moms and others let their kids run wild in the playplace while they drank coffee and talked. I made small talk with a few nice moms but never connected well enough to take it to the next "Hey, can I call you?" step. Sometimes, moms were elliminated on looks alone. Liam made friends with a boy at the pediatrician's office. His mother was about my age and nice enough. Here's the catch: she was in her mid thirties, wearing a matching Victoria's Secret Pink tracksuit, and drinking a fruit Coolada with whipped cream at a doctor's office. I may not feed Liam the best food all the time, but I don't bring evidence of it to his doctor, much less with whipped cream on top. When I told Mike about her during a conversation about friend making in our thirties he replied, "Yeah, she's not our people." <br />
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I feel like I'm back in the dating scene again. Playing the field and feeling things out. It's awkward and nerve wracking. Recently, I befriended a girl at the local playground. Her son is three months younger then Liam. They played well. She was attentive but not hoovering over her son. We made great conversation. Upon leaving, we exchanged addresses and expressed inteterest in getting together again. She lives on the main side road in our neighborhood and I pass her house a few times a week going to the market. I have been overthinking all of this the same way I would stare at a piece of paper with a number on it back when I was single. How to play it? Beause I know that sometimes I am still not wearing a bra at one in the afternoon sometimes when I am home over the summer, I feel stopping by randomly would be awkward in case she was having a me moment. Do I leave a note with my number when I notice there are no cars in the driveway? I am going to stick to walking the neighborhood and going to the park in hopes of running into them again. <br />
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With summer vacation seven weeks away, I am starting to panic about how Liam and I are going to pass our days. Why can't friend making in your thirties be as easy as it is for toddlers? If only a ball and a bag of animal crackers were still the best conversation starters...Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-45539079286658242362012-03-31T08:23:00.000-04:002012-03-31T08:24:58.283-04:00Liam's To Do ListFor the weekend:<br />Play outside<br />See cows<br />Eat rolls<br />Play blocks<br />Touch ladybug<br /><br />I hope it is always this simple.Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-9361263951467025162012-03-07T09:55:00.002-05:002012-03-07T10:50:21.661-05:00My Old SoulRarely a day goes by that I don't at some point wish I could call my mom. When I was pregnant, I called my mom every day on my way home from school. As soon as I got on the highway, I picked up the phone and called her to tell her about my day and what wonderful things Baby Day was doing in my tummy. As her health deteriorated, she often said "I just want to see that baby." <br /><br />As much as I miss my mom and wish I could rely on her for baby advice, I know we would have battled over everything, just as we always did. She fought time and again for Mike and I to get married at Wright's Chicken Farm, an all you can eat family style chicken restaurant known for hosting high school homecoming dances and little league awards nights. It is good, but I really didn't want to serve my wedding guests bowls of french fries. She persisted until it was an argument. That sums up Mom and I: two stubborn women who think they know best. <br /><br />Two years ago, I was getting out of the house with a four week old Liam. I had just purchased some Bath and Body Works hand soaps to help my bleeding, over washed, new mamma hands. Dad called to tell me we needed to get down to Florida. Dr. Martinez suggested we get down there while Mom would still know who we were. We booked the flight that afternoon and headed down two days later. Mom spent most of the weekend thinking Liam was my thirty-four year old sister. She saw who she had fought so hard to see and signed a very strict DNR the morning after we left. <br /><br />Liam has this picture on his dresser. <a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=101_0227.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/101_0227.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a> It was the only time he ever met his nana. I've often asked him who the other people are on his dresser. One afternoon this past summer, I decided to ask him "Where's Nana?" I hadn't really said much about her to him. He pointed right to the picture. Intrigued, I took him to the living room to show him a picture of Mom and her two sisters at a cousin's wedding. "Where's Nana?" Again, he pointed to my mom. Mike was very matter of fact about the matter. "We would be naive to think that your mom isn't watching over him."<br /><br />We had a few little things happen here and there. Liam would wave at no one. Liam and I were brushing our teeth over the summer and the whole area began to smell of lilacs. Again, Liam began to wave at no one. <br /><br />Last night was Kristy's birthday and the anniversary of us going to down to let Liam meet his Nana. It is hard to believe it has been two years since I have seen my mom. Last year, I tried to plan a night with my friends to keep busy and that flaked out on me. This year, I kept it simple. I planned a birthday dinner for Kristy and her closest friends. We had a great time. Kristy has been blessed with keeping a close group of friends since middle school. They are fantastic people. <br /><br />They left about eight because we are all old and lame and they realized Liam was ready to dreamland. Usual, uneventful night time routine follows: train books, bath, teeth brushing, run across the room for PJs. We're in the living room putting Liam into his adorable fleece footed PJs when he starts looking up and zoning. He is looking past Mike and I towards the ceiling. He clenches his fists and hold his arms close to his body. He has a weird smile on his face and his eyes are gazing ahead. At first, Mike and I assumed he was being silly but, as it went on for a minute or two, we started to get concerned. <br /><br />"He sees something."<br />"Liam, do you see someone?"<br />"Liam, who are your playing with?"<br />"Apple pie," he tries to tell us several times before we figure out what he is saying. I don't make apple pies because I don't eat them and Mike can't resist temptation of apple pie so it is never in my house. We tried to give Liam a piece of apple pie at Thanksgiving in Maine and he wanted no part of it. Therefore, I have no clue why he decided to say apple pie. <br /><br />At this point, I am almost in tears as the epiphany hits us. "Liam, is Nana here playing with you?" I ask. Mike repeats the question. Liam is now standing up and dressed in his footed snowman PJs. He randomly puts away a giant stuffed lion that happened to be on the couch. We ask him the question a few times. He points to the doorway of the living room and says "Nana door." <br /><br />Now there is no stopping the tears. He is waving to the empty doorway and saying "Hi, Nana." Since Mike's grandmother, who also went by "Nana," passed away when Liam was two months old, Mike asked "Who's Nana is here, Liam?"<br />"Mommy's Nana."<br />I asked again to be certain. "Who's playing with you, Liam? Who's here?" <br />"Mommy's Nana. Door." He points again to the doorway.<br /><br />After a few minutes, he stopped. "Of course your mom would spend the night with your girls on Kristy's birthday," Mike explained. We were awestruck while it was happening but now left with the time to let the events sink in. I'm not sure where to go from here. "Ask his teachers if they play a game and do that motion," Mike suggested. We both knew the answer but felt the need to through it out there anyway. I asked his teachers, stopping several times to beg them not to think I was crazy. Both said this is fairly common and they usually outgrow it. "He has a guardian angel," one summarized. <br /><br />Mom and I often revealed dreams in which people long gone would visit us. We've both had experiences that can not be merely coincidence. I never thought that it would pass on to my son. I'm still letting the news sink in, trying it on like a new coat. I am beyond glad that she watches over us. I have only experienced two dreams with my mom. One, I was sick on the couch napping and she visited. The night before my birthday, I had a dream that we all got together for dinner for my birthday. That afternoon, as Mike and I drank beer at Game On across from Fenway, I told him about my dream as tears streamed down my face. "She gave me one last family dinner for my birthday." <br /><br />I inquired Dr Google to tell me about toddlers and spirits. There are a lot of various theories about it. Most sources claim they simply outgrow it by the time they turn five. At this point, I am not sure if I am happy of concerned. As a mother, seeing Liam with this ability creates a mixed blessing. I'm not sure what is going to happen with all of this. Maybe he will outgrow it. Maybe, like my mom's blue eyes, it is another trait that carried on to him.Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-43017230297264983612012-02-22T15:57:00.004-05:002012-02-24T12:19:38.777-05:00The Scarlet OA few weeks ago, Liam's teacher pulled me aside with the dreaded "Do you have a minute?" She continued that she was concerned that Liam was not sharing well at school. He even hit another boy over a book. Mortified, we left with promises to improve. To be honest, it never crossed my mind to share toys with Liam at home. I certainly didn't care if I had a turn with his Thomas toys. I called Mike in tears on the way home, certain that I had broken the child before his second birthday. When we arrived home, I decided to try this sharing thing and see how Liam fared. Usually, I let him hit the wiffle ball on the T for as long as he wanted. I didn't want a turn. He was less than thrilled when I asked for a turn and tried to take the wiffle bat.<br /><br />I sent a picture to Mike with the comment "I guess this is what daycare is talking about."<br /><br />This marked the beginning of "Sharing Bootcamp." It seemed Liam could have nothing he loved for more than three minutes without being asked to hand it over for a minute/bite/sip/turn. Gradually, Liam came around to the joys of sharing. His teachers are noticing a difference as well. <br /><br />Throughout "Sharing Bootcamp," I was told several times that part of Liam's issue with sharing may come from him being an only child. Mike and I do a lot with him. With have memberships to the zoo and aquarium. We are on constant adventures. Liam rarely watched TV during the week. However, he does these activities with Mike and I. Our parents are out of state. Kristy comes down when she can. A few of our friends just had children of their own but most do not and the gap between us grows bigger daily. Besides daycare, Mike and I are Liam's socialization. I started taking him to the library one afternoon a week for socialization. We spend another afternoon each week at a music class. <a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=8d552700.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/8d552700.jpg" border="0" alt="Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App"></a> Some days he gets into the music <br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=d889209c.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/d889209c.jpg" border="0" alt="Uploaded from the Photobucket iPhone App"></a><br />Other times he just wants to color. <br /><br />How do we remove this stigma of the Scarlet O from Liam as well as Mike and I? At work, I have several ladies who remind me weekly that Liam will grow up ill adjusted because Mike and I are too selfish to have another child. "You can make it work if you really want to," they tell me. <br /><br />This is the truth. We could. I'd have to give up my career because daycare for two in this area would eat most of my paycheck. In this economy, it would be impossible to get rehired. Who wants to hire a ninth step teacher when there are thousands of freshly graduated first and second step options available? I worked hard to earn my degree and establish myself as a teacher. I enjoy teaching.<br /><br />Why does one have to justify these decisions? As I cried to Mike that I had broken our kid, I asked him if we were selfish for having one. Am I selfish for wanting a 401K and a Keurig?<br /><br />As Liam gets older, I get a little nostalgic about the baby days ending. Over the summer, my hormones started going AWOL. A few doctor visits and tests suggested that I needed to go back on the pill to level things out. Having another child just got much more difficult. Maybe this was a sign that we are fine just the way we are. In the meantime, I need to ignore that Scarlet O that some are trying to stitch on Liam's chest. I'm sure another form of Momma Guilt will grow in its place.Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-8988818368672846232011-09-18T21:41:00.002-04:002011-09-18T21:49:41.877-04:00Quick Check InWe are trying to get back in the swing of back to school. This year is tough because I have four preps. I am forcing myself to stay organized and stay at least an hour after school every day. Liam's new room does outside playtime from 3-4 so he would rather be there anyway. I get more done at school without distractions. Liam gets to play outside with his friends. When I pick him up, the rest of the night is ours. After he goes to bed, I usually go over my lessons for the next day. He adjusted to the toddler room at school. We went an entire week of tear free dropoffs!<br />We went to a first birthday party for the son of Mike's coworker. Liam loved the balloons. He loved letting them go. We tried tying one to his wrist of belt loop but it just wasn't the same. <a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=8b01e250.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/8b01e250.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><br />When we got home, Liam had to play basketball. He is obsessed with basketball. He loves to "swoosh." I was thinking of getting tickets to take him to a Providence College game but I would be scared he'd get upset that he couldn't play. We'll wait a few years for that. He sticks his tongue out when he concentrates. He is such a boy.<br /><br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=a03dd24d.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/a03dd24d.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-70571997320753330642011-09-11T19:29:00.002-04:002011-09-11T19:45:30.180-04:00Tuesdays With MorrieI must start with a confession: I hadn't read a single book since buying my iPhone. I spent any such time checking the news, surfing, playing Angry Birds, etc. When I got back to school and students wanted to talk to me about what we'd read over the summer, I had to bow my head in shame. I am trying to make up for it by reading two books; Tuesday with Morrie and rereading Erma Bombeck. After my seventh grade English teacher told me I would replace her one day, I read everything she'd written in middle school. Rereading her as a wife and mother is like sitting for coffee with a fellow friend who fully admits she isn't close to having it all together. I read The Five People You Meet in Heaven early in my pregnancy and cried like a little girl. Tuesdays with Morrie is therapeutic. It has been making me think about my mom a lot. I was 1,500 miles away for the worst of her sickness. There are so many things I wish I knew about her. It wasn't until after her death that I learned her own father, unable to deal with the loss of his wife when my mom was only nine, sent my mom to live with her older sister for two years. My mom lost her mom at nine. I remember turning nine and trying to imagine not having a mom. At thirty-four, it is still difficult. I know so little about her childhood, her dating Dad, and her in general. I'm sure I can ask my dad a lot of these questions I have about her and about their relationship. I've asked my dad about me as a baby a few times simply out of curiousity and to compare myself to Liam. I was embarrassed to admit that the only things I knew were what I remembered and say in pictures. When did I started walking? (11 months.) Was I as happy of a baby as Liam? (Yes and I loved pans and wooden spoons, too!) Did I also get ear infections? (No.)<br /><br />Anyway, we survived the hurricane. We were on the windy side rather than the rainy side. We had a lot of leaves to rake up and only lost our power for nine hours. We were very fortunate. This is a tree at the end of our street.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=Sept102011006.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/Sept102011006.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />Liam was amazing by the rain.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=Sept102011003.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/Sept102011003.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />Others were not as lucky when it comes to electricity. My sister lost power for five days. I went into my school year having four days to make up because schools were without power. Since we paid for daycare, I dropped Liam off and let him get used to school again. He is in the next room with new teachers. It was a rough start but now I have to drag him out of there in the afternoon. I used one day to organize my oddly shaped closet.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=2cd3602e.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/2cd3602e.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />It's a lot of shoes when you take them all out.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=119d65e1.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/119d65e1.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />Let's see how long this lasts.<br /><br />Liam is turning into a little boy. He loves his Mega Blocks<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=1222b8f9.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/1222b8f9.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />He is a little man:<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=Sept102011020picnik.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/Sept102011020picnik.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-45667293704120197042011-08-26T22:44:00.002-04:002011-08-26T22:56:00.944-04:00Summer Extension?We are in the path of the hurricane. In my upbringing, hurricanes usually mean one thing: build up and let down. We had one heading to us last year that fizzled. People panic, buy everything from Stop and Shop and Home Depot, then nothing big happens. This one seems to be different. Some school are already closed for Monday. Mike is playing video games to get his technology fix since power outages are expected.
<br />After last year's floods, Mike and I are taking no chances. We just refinished our basement. We kept the waterlines up as a reminder. This is the only one I could get a decent picture of.
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<br />Twenty two inches of wet goodness in our finished basement. Oh, the perks of living within walking distance to the ocean. The state released a bunch of evacuation maps; we are two blocks from the evacuation line if a hurricane hits. Still love living near the ocean. Anyway, we've spent the last two days getting ready to avoid the chaos in any store that will arrive tomorrow.
<br />Yesterday, Liam and I went to Benny's for gas cans and batteries.
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<br />We brought all of Liam's toys to behind the shed so they don't blow away int eh eighty mile and hour winds. He was excited to play this game and wanted to help.
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<br />Then he realized his toys were out of his reach and was less than thrilled.
<br />Our shed door blew open two years ago and now usually blows open and off the hinges in any high wind. Mike solved that. Liam also wanted to help with that.
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<br />Liam was the offical screw hander to Dad.
<br />This is not the end of summer excitement we were hoping for but at least we are prepared. The latest reports says the storm is slowing down. Here's hoping.
<br />Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-17850715829616759572011-08-22T16:43:00.000-04:002011-08-22T16:44:59.831-04:00Lesson of the afternoonFinger painting with a toddler is much like a middle school dance; there's a good chance someone will wind up crying in the bathroom.
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<br />That is all. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-72403876358941355802011-08-19T13:18:00.003-04:002011-08-19T14:06:26.584-04:00The L WordLast year at this time, I was a wreck. After having spent seven months home with Liam, the thought of going back to school and transitioning to working momma terrified me. I was itching for adult conversation, a reason to get dressed, and getting out and felt so guilty for it. Mike was fantastic about helping and checking in, but there is only so much time a momma can spend alone with a baby before she climbs walls. Within a few weeks, we were all in a routine. In April, I realized Liam had been in daycare half his life.
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<br />Fast forward a year. This past summer was amazing. If the economy would allow me to take a five year career hiatus and winter never arrived, I would live on peanut butter sandwiches and stay home with the Boo in a heartbeat. I say that now but will admit that there is a part of staying home that I always feel guilty for admitting: it can get very lonely. I love Liam. I love him more than I ever imagined I could love a toddler. I love everything about him. That being said, he has a twenty word volcabulary. Poor Mike comes home and I cling to him for any touch of adult interaction. I wonder if Liam feels the same way about me. I know he loves me, but he also loves his friends. He didn't want to leave daycare yesterday. He's gone two days this summer while I have PD.
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<br />I find that the journey to motherhood has been interesting. Mike and I feared that it would alienate us from our friends. We worried that we would have no time to ourselves and our relationship would suffer. We made a point of making each other a priority. I make sure he has time for his hobbies or even time to play video games. He is always offering to watch Liam so I can go out. If anything, he and I have made a better effort regarding each other than we did before Liam's arrival. In spite of the fact that our last date out was April 2, we are not feeling too too overwhelmed.
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<br />In a lot of ways, motherhood alienated me from the rest of the world. Going out at 7:30 is no longer an option. The word "babysitter" is not in our list of possibilities. There are people who have offered that I would trust to watch him, but I feel like a bad mother asking someone to watch Liam for a few hours so Mike and I can go drink at a bar and watch a Sox game or something along those lines. He and watch games in the basement or have a drink together after Liam goes to bed. We catch up on each other. I'd rather take a walk to the park, play on the slides, read Goodnight Moon three times, and have a glass of wine with Mike after Liam goes to bed.
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<br />When Liam was first born, everyone who called, emailed, or stopped by had an opinion. To a new mother, these "helpful hints" came across as "You're doing it wrong. Your child will grow up to rob 7-11's and it will be all your fault." People have the best of intentions. They really do. I shyed away from a lot of those people whose visits had the feel of a CPS meeting where I had to defend not giving Liam cereal in his formula, not putting rum on his gums, using a Moby wrap, not having another baby, and refusing to let a one month old cry it out. When Mike's step grandmother commented,"It's ok, we all have our bad mother moments," when I refused to let her put cereal in Liam's bottle, I almost snapped. When a friend of mine told me she thought it was selfish to be induced just because of gestational diabetes, I also cried the entire ride home. I was prepared for a lot of things before Liam came. Defending your parenting choices came out of left field.
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<br />I was very niave about a lot of things about motherhood. I pretty much skipped over the C-section parts of pregnancy books assuming I didn't have to be familiar with them. I was right about that but it was close towards the end of my pregnancy. I assumed that breastfeeding would be natural to me because I was determined to do it. No such luck thanks to a thyroid issue. Poor Mike had to keep watching Liam and I cry as I tried to get him to latch to get nothing.
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<br />I have a few people I can talk to and make plans to go out with. I get out without Liam maybe once every six to eight weeks. Sometimes, I feel like the world has moved on while I was changing diapers. I don't expect the world to stop because Mike and I decided to have a child, but I feel like I have such a hard time finding my place in the rest of the world. Like other aspects of motherhood, I was very niave about the loneliness. When we do get together in social situations, I feel like I have very little to contribute to conversations. My life revolves around teaching and being part of a family.
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<br />I love my life and know I am beyond blessed. Mike is the best friend and husband a wife would wish for. I know this is the only time I will ever be the mother of a toddler and cherish every moment of it. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-66038269228755388852011-08-10T13:05:00.001-04:002011-08-14T13:25:40.482-04:00Thrity Day DropoutI stink! I spend so much time with Liam that I never get to this. I think I'd have better luck if I was working and sat at the computer a little more.
<br />We had our yard sale Saturday and played on Sunday. Monday was VJ Day here in Rhode Island, also known as Victory Over Japan Day. Yes, we celebrate dropping a bomb to get a three day weekend in August. We took Liam down to Mystic. Mystic has always been our little place to get away for a day. While Liam napped, Mike adn I stopped to get a coffee and sat in the cemetary, watched the water, and learned about one of the founding families in Mystic.
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<br />We had to get Liam a Del's Lemonade.
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<br />I am down to my last two weeks of vacation. I am so lucky to spend my summer with Liam. We've had a ball. I've started trying to get materials together. I know what I'm doing for nine, ten, and eleven. Eighth grade will be short stories for the first few weeks. I am getting nervous about adjusting back to being a wokring mom. A part of me is looking forward to seeing my stduents and getting back in the swing of things. There's always the nervousness about getting back to not having all the time in the day top get things done. I enjoy taking care of the house so when Mike comes home we have family time. Liam will have to adjust his sleep schedule back. We've been sleeping an hour later in the morning, which sets him an hour later for the rest of the day. He'll go back to the next room in daycare.
<br />For the next two weeks, I get to do as much as I can with him. We can go to the zoo, the library, or just fingerpaint in the backyard. We can read books and go for walks. How lucky we are. Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-24886755638135598242011-08-05T11:25:00.003-04:002011-08-05T11:40:04.428-04:00Aug 4-5I am getting bad at this. I have always been of the belief that Liam is only going to be little once. Fun with him always comes first. And fun we had. Blueberry picking in the morning.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=69e72b05.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/69e72b05.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=f5d86bb6.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/f5d86bb6.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />He was a natural. In the afternoon, Liam had his 18 month appointment. He is right where he should be. That evening, Mike and I did our annual recreation of our first date. Six years flies by. Anyway, on with the challenge:<br />August 4 – Guilty Pleasure<br />This summer, my guilty pleasure has been badminton. Mike and I play it almost every night and are almost getting good at. What's not to love? It's enough of a workout to make me kinda sweat. The birdie thing is called a "shuttlecock" and that sounds dirty. Liam plays in the yard or grabs his racket and tries to join us. <br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=b412290d.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/b412290d.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=489cbc56.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/489cbc56.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />There are certain things that just seem to be a part of who Mike and I are.<br />Badmintion is now one of those things.<br />To remember our summer of badmiton, Mike got me the Pandora badminton bead. <br /><br />August 5 – I really should get rid of…<br />Do be honest, there isn't a lot I should get rid of. I go through the house several times a year and purge anything we haven't used in awhile. The flood last year forced me to get rid of old lessons, books, and other things I probably should've gone through but never did. I've been saving Liam's baby stuff as he outgrows things. What I haven't passed on to pregnant friends, I'm going to sell at my first attempt at a yard sale tomorrow. Hopefully, it goes well.Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-28417765355344973672011-08-03T09:31:00.002-04:002011-08-03T10:02:20.511-04:00August 3August 3 – What do you love most about yourself<br />Growing older made me much more comfortable in my body. Months ago, I wrote in my journal an analogy about growing into my own using my hair. I keep saying I need to type it out. Otherwise try to make it into something is isn't. When I entered my thirties, I let my hair be what it was meant to be. It is more than half grey. I do dye it, but I no longer spent hours and a small fortune putting blond highlights in it. I no longer try to fry it into straight submission. Here is a picture of my sister and I on her thirtieth birthday. That hair took forever, lots of product, and a flatiron to achieve.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=264.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/264.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />My hair has always been a great feature. Much like the rest of me, when I stopped trying to make it something it wasn't, it flourished. It is healthier than it's even been. It is easier than it's even been and found its own way of doing things. <br />Here's my hair over the winter.<br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=feb272011009.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/feb272011009.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />Not glamorous. Simple. Content. Me. <br /><br />One of my favorite things about me is my hair. It is as telling as a journal. I just looked to see if I had any of my big hair middle school pictures of half buzzed pictures from high school. Luckily for everyone, I don't.Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8117465730143846575.post-69644605382766956552011-08-02T14:25:00.002-04:002011-08-02T14:50:19.524-04:00My Little MimicOf all the things Liam could learn from me, he has learned to spit. Teeth brushing is a big event in our house. He sits on the toilet because this is a treat and it keeps him from trying to run after the dog with a toothbrush in his mouth. When we are finished, he watches me rinse my mouth. Since I spit, he leans over and makes a "pphhhuuu" sound. This is cute in and of itself but my little Booba had to take it a step further and fake spit every time he is at the sink. After yesterday's brave finger painting episode, we went to the sink to wash up. After I turned off the water, he had to lean over the sink and "ppphhhuu."<br /><br />Mike often says I need to make things as difficult as possible for myself. Liam is following me. He is up to about twenty words, most of which are not very useful. He says sea"shell," "picture," and "button." He yells "button" and "books" whenever we enter the library. Books for obvious reasons and button for the elevator. And, yes, he yells these words out in the library entryway. When we get to the children's library, he runs off calling out "fish." How excited am I that my kid already knows his way around the library? He's trying to work together sentences. "Where's dog?" and "Hi moma/dad." are his two right now. He won't say "cup" or and food items, but he can say "Jeep." He can say "more," but prefers to sign it. I love when we don't see him do it or immediately jump to get him whatever it is he wants and he signs it faster, almost as if yelling.<br /><br />In taking after Mike and I, he is an independent player. At Babies and Books, he prefers to play with the beach ball or the wall hangings himself. He isn't antisocial; he just likes to figure things out himself there. He was very comfortable with his friends in daycare so these other new kids will take some getting used to. If he wasn't such a social butterfly at daycare, I'd be worried. Mike and I have both always preferred solitary past times. I read, write, and play with my camera. Mike makes his models. Liam will play outside for a little bit by himself then make it clear that he wants us. He is much better about playing alone outside. In his defense, we don't really ask him to play alone. We like playing with him. I guess this is just one of my few "One and done" worries.<br /><br />Liam's best friend is Jake. His first word beside moma and dad was dog. When he wakes up, his first word every morning is dog. On the one morning Jake had gone downstairs, Liam looked everywhere, looked at me lovingly, and asked "Where's dog?" There was some confusion for a bit that every dog was a Jake so we are trying to teach Liam names. He calls our neighbors' dog "Jakedog." They get along like siblings. Jake has the patience of a saint and lets Liam love him a lot. He will stay a few feet ahead of Liam to tease him and play tag. He instinctively knows not to take food from Liam, even when Liam picks up one of Jake's treats and tries to give it to him. <br />We used to take Jake everywhere and, as new parents do, we have been neglectful of our first parental responsibility. We took Jake with us to the park Sunday afternoon. <br /><a href="http://s153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/?action=view&current=5f94ffa8.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s224/kerriarnold/5f94ffa8.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a><br />Like a true old man, Jake pretends to be crochity. He is such a good "big brother" to Liam.Kerrihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02288393460998300878noreply@blogger.com0