Waiting for the Kettle to Boil

Mom went off the ventilator yesterday. She is in ICU and Dad seems to think she'll stay there. I feel like I am waiting for her to die and wonder when I will feel something besides numbness. Will I just be angry at her for not taking better care of herself? Will I be mad at Dad for bringing her junk food? He brought her KFC the day before she went back to the hospital. Will it hit me months from now when Liam takes his first steps and I can't call her and tell her? She never did teach me how to make a bed by getting the sheet over the bed in one big movement. So now we wait.