Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I almost feel like things are starting to get back to normal. I am enjoying days with Liam and understanding that these days are numbered. It's hard to believe that I'll be back to work n four weeks. I feel guilty for admitting that some days I know I am ready. I know leaving him will be difficult but it will be good for all of us. Liam will benefit from the social interaction and learning opportunities. I will benefit from getting out of the house. Our savings will benefit from me being back to work. As Mike said, if we have learned nothing over these past few months, we have learned that something will always come up.

I have my hard days when Liam does something new. It is so tough to know that Mom will never see Liam eat his bananas, inchworm over the rug, or walk on the grass. I still separate my life using mom but I do it less and less. (I haven't bought shampoo since before mom died.) I don't know why I do this. I guess it makes me feel like she hasn't been gone that long. My dad and sister seem to be doing much better than I am. I wonder if it is comparable to when someone orders really hot wings and no one wants to be the wimp and admit they're hot.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Anniversary Song

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Two years ago, this sonnet was read at our wedding. It is about love not changing as lovers change. It seemed fitting at the time that profess that we would always be in love and that our love would never falter or change. Two years later, I realize that love is supposed to change. The Mike I married two years ago is different from the Mike I have today. We have grown. We have learned how to work as a team. We have overcome obstacles and got each other through tragedies. I love him for who he has become and who he brings out in me. I love the husband who learned as much as I did about my pregnancy. He sometimes answered questions that I didn't know the answers to. He was the one who knew he'd be able to feel the baby move at around 24 weeks and that real pregnancy cravings don't begin until the third trimester. I love the father who splashes Liam during bath time and reads Good Night Moon. I love the husband who takes the baby on weekends so I can catch up on sleep. How silly to think that love was not supposed to change. It would be of concern if it did not change.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Five Months

A day late but we got it done. He is nineteen pounds. I still have to measure his length. It was bittersweet to realize that I could not send them down to my mom and have her oogle over how big and cute he is getting. I wonder when i will stop separating life into two distinct time periods; before mom passed and after she passed. When I dropped off some library books, I realized, "Mom was alive when I took these out." When will I stop doing that?

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He just learned how to sick his tongue out. He moves it to the side when he is concentrating. Typical man. It is amazing to watch his mind work. He wants to crawl. He can creep but not crawl. He loves to laugh and will cackle until breathless if we let him. He will practice his voice for hours, especially working on a high pitched squeal. Today, he even stood on his own, using a base to hold on to.

It is scary to think that I only have two months of maternity leave left. I tear up just thinking about it. How lucky am I to have witnessed so much of his early life?