I almost feel like things are starting to get back to normal. I am enjoying days with Liam and understanding that these days are numbered. It's hard to believe that I'll be back to work n four weeks. I feel guilty for admitting that some days I know I am ready. I know leaving him will be difficult but it will be good for all of us. Liam will benefit from the social interaction and learning opportunities. I will benefit from getting out of the house. Our savings will benefit from me being back to work. As Mike said, if we have learned nothing over these past few months, we have learned that something will always come up.
I have my hard days when Liam does something new. It is so tough to know that Mom will never see Liam eat his bananas, inchworm over the rug, or walk on the grass. I still separate my life using mom but I do it less and less. (I haven't bought shampoo since before mom died.) I don't know why I do this. I guess it makes me feel like she hasn't been gone that long. My dad and sister seem to be doing much better than I am. I wonder if it is comparable to when someone orders really hot wings and no one wants to be the wimp and admit they're hot.