Also Not for Babies:

We are taking Danielle out for a "last hurrah" Saturday. No body shots or wooing, but a nice evening out. I did want to get her something to send her into marriage. Awhile ago, I could have sworn I saw a book titled "The Husband Instruction Manual" and decided this would be a perfect gift. Liam and I pack up and head to Garden City. After keeping him in his stroller, I decide to carry him as I just run in and grab the book. Well, the book doesn't exist. It was "The GROOM Instruction Manual." They'll be married in two weeks. This won't help. So I head to the next best thing, erotic literature.

Erotic Literature is an embarrassing enough section. Sitting in front of it is even classier holding a six month old child. He decides he wants to eat the books and starts to fuss when his evil mother won't let him. I give him my purse to play with and sit him on the floor. Within two minutes, he has the zipper open and is tossing my credit and store reawrds cards over the floor. I find "The Sex Instruction Manual," a bright pink book with two people ready to have sex on the cover, and call it good.

I get into line. There's a police officer ahead of me. Liam starts screaming because he just realized he is hungry. I find a nonchalant place to store the book for a moment, run to the car, and make Liam a bottle. I return to the store managing to hold a feeding baby in my arms, grab my hidden purchase, and resume my spot in line. Now ahead of me is a sweet old ladt who wants to compare Liam's impressive stats to those of her 15 month old grand daughter. I hide the cover of my book under my arm.

We are next in line. Liam grabs at the Nintendo game display, spilling one shelf of games to the floor. As I go to put games back, I become the classy mother feeding a mess making baby while attempting to buy a sex book. Just give me the mother of the year application now.

When I got to Shaw's I also discovered that Laim managed to break my Origins compact and flesh colored powder is in every crack of my Kate Spade purse. Yeah.